Welcome to my Bio mess!!! |
This page takes eons to load, has broken audio files, and generally tortures my REM sleep, but I'll be adding a Flash bio soon, so... pardon my dust! |
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<== Play me! Princess Leia says to Han Solo,"I don't know who you are or where you came from, but from now on, you do as I tell you. "Oh, if only it was that EASY!!!! |
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<== Play me! So, who am I and where did I come from? |
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I was born and raised in So Cal, Calabasas actually -- a one and a half horse town on the outer edge of like-oh-my-gawd, the San Fernando Valley? |
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Naturally, the moment I moved out, they put in the first Taco Bell, and so began my life of near misses with greatness... |  |
<== Play me! My childhood was as normal as possible I suppose -- older brother that got anything he wanted because he was the first and a boy, |
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younger sister that got everything she wanted because she was the baby and the last chance to spoil something, and me in the middle, |  |
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grounded all four years of high school (I think for wearing black) and not a picture of me until I got my own camera (though the photos of my sibling's childhoods could be made into a very thorough flip book). |  |
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My dad was a 747 captain for the Flying Tigers and my mom was in charge of warming up the couch during daytime TV, writing my papers if I cried convincingly enough, and keeping my leash as short as California law allowed. |  |
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We had a house with a pool, |  |
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a never-ending rotation of pets, and played "Hot Lava" in the yard a lot, okay?! |  |
<== Play me! Things only began to get interesting when my mom put us three kiddies in *Showbiz* after I was kindly asked to leave dance class for holding the five year olds back |
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and in the true spirit of a quitter, earning my yellow belt for the third and final time in Hapkido. I did a ton of commercials, most notably the first interracial Barbie commercial (I was the white girl -- yeah, I was a method actress even then) |  |
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and the back of my preteen head can even be spotted in things like Gremlins (if your Betamax plays frame by frame). | |
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My loving brother Casey likes to tell the world I played the role of Stripe though, |  |
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and I repay the compliment by mentioning that he had a Member's Only jacket and headgear (I called it his "brain clamp") and can be seen in Flashdance. |  |
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<== Play me! High school sucked. The normal kids called me Satan, and the clique of antisocial goths (yeah, an "antisocial" clique) wouldn't have anything to do with me, |
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so I white-knuckled it through the school day and ran home to my Blacklist Mailorder record collection and drum set each afternoon. |  |
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By then it was REALLY uncool to be seen on TV so I quit the biz and moved out of the cashmere quilted nest to become the worst punk rock drummer of all time. We changed our band name each show so the crowd wouldn't know it was us until it was too late. Once I left, they naturally grew a following, went on tour, and put out records people actually paid money for. |  |
<== Play me! In Calabasas, the only crime was NOT getting a Beemer on your sixteenth birthday, and even though I learned to drive in a vintage Jag and my siblings each had something new and shiny in the driveway, I decided to be self sufficient. |
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So, I roller-skated to work at a hippie grocery store to earn enough for my very first car, |  |
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a shit brown 1974 Nova -- now named The Battle Nova |  |
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by my Monster Garage pal, The Cowboy, who finally bought it from me for about the cost of a bean burrito. |  |
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Lady Luck (or my parents) soon had pity on me and handed me the PILE of money I had earned as a kid actor. I really never thought they actually SAVED it! To my 19 year old eyes, I was RICH! My straightedge ways prevented me from blowing it on the obvious child actor expenses (a mountain of smack and prostitutes) |  |
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so instead I became the only girl in a pack of drag queens -- |  |
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shopping all day and making club appearances all night. |  |
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I supported this drag queen habit for a number of years until I had only $44 dollars in the bank and my loser boyfriend of the week asked for $40 for gas money (which I gave him on the condition that he never use that gas to come back). |  |
<== Play me! I got an emergency job working in some dirty bakery in Hollywood as the only counter girl the boss didn't impregnate |
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(but at least you got a sandwich named after you when he did). After cutting the tip of my finger off in the rusty bread slicer (and my boss took out the bloody slices and sold the loaf BEFORE taking me to the hospital), I decided it was high time to return to the easy $$$ acting provided. |  |
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Being a female impersonating female impersonators, I was instantly signed to the infamous Dragon Talent... |  |
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...and thus begins round two of my lucrative acting career! |  |
Now, I live in the bustling ghetto of LA, finally within smelling distance of a Taco Bell, and I love it. |
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If you want to know who I'm dating, you'll have to ask the paparazzi, but in LA it's definitely a feat to avoid dating out of the cesspool of guys that secretly wear women's panties, |  |
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cheat on me on the Internet, or use Hitler as an excuse to grope me (I wish this was just for a laugh, but I used to be a SERIOUS loser magnet!). |  |
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My parents left California after the earthquake in 1994, my dad wrote a book about being a pilot (The Mighty Tiger), |  |
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my brother just married the perfect girl (I didn't tell her about the brain clamp), and my baby sister Kate lives on the beach |  |
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and works as a model, truly living the perfect Barbie doll life (No, I'm not bitter). |  |
<== Play me! I am still ever the socialite -- ALWAYS well dressed and causing drama, and when I'm not working or auditioning for work, |
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I spend most of my time breeding and raising Western Black Widow spiders for my unique jewelry line (Widow Wear). |  |
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I design and construct wild costumes, |
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endlessly search for the perfect bean burrito, and successfully navigate around the horny cesspool of MySpace (where you can find out even more about me than you may feel comfortable with). |  |
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I love to watch an ungodly amount of network TV, crawl through the LA sewer system armed to the teeth (remind me to tell you about the time I accidentally shot myself with a .22), |  |
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take pictures in pretty party dresses, dance in my underwear to Richard Simmons, and I just learned how to put up this whole website myself!!! |  |
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Besides that, I collect silly socks, disgusting foreign candy, |  |
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antique medical equipment, and anything Darth Vader. |  |
<== Play me! I have recently made my way through the torture test of the music video circuit (and finally cashed in all that after school drumming as Elton John's drummer for "The Heart of Every Girl" video), posed for countless clothing designers and ad campaigns (Jessica Louise, Timex, MGD), |
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and am now lucky enough to earn my keep with a few national commercials (XM Radio, Sears, Del Taco), and theatrical parts for TV and film including starring roles in Gregg Araki's "This is How the World Ends"and Lorenzo Manetti's film festival favorite, "Scrambled Eggs." |  |
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Don't kill yourself over my autograph though -- even with a 21 year old SAG Membership Card in hand, I am still "Molly WHO?"... but a "Molly WHO?" that is successfully paying my designer shoes & Top Ramen fund with legitimate acting work! If this acting thing doesn't pay off??? I can still fall back on being a ninja. |  |
<== Play me! So in parting, I'm Molly Brenner. Stay tuned and thanks for giving a crap. |
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